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Shhh...you had me at "alcohol may intensify effect..."
My business card is just a label I peeled off a beer bottle.
When a woman says, "I`m NOT crazy" *clapping her palms together per syllable* That`s universal for, "You`re going to die."
I’m considering becoming a mind reader ... What are your thoughts?
Just got a Cheerio stuck between my toes walking through the kitchen. Clearly my dog isn`t doing his part of the chores around here
"Mary had a little lamb. That`s had." - the wolf
What kind of jerk makes an anti-anxiety pill difficult to break in half?
Just wrote ‘You have no new messages’ on a piece of paper, put it in a bottle and threw it far out to sea.
I`ve said it before and I`ll say it again: it before
Love is... saving money to buy her shoes!
Easy come, easy go describes my last 12 cases of beer and 17 relationships.
Dear Diary, the ugly woman at the bank cut in front of me today." Woman: "EXCUSE ME?!" [whispers]"Dear Diary, I think she can hear me."
They`ve been farting with my facebook again. It`s like the old days when the the girl you woke up with wasn`t the one you went to bed with.
The first five days after the weekend are always the toughest.
Odd Fact: The names of characters in Inception are: Dom, Robert, Eames, Arthur, Mal and Saito. Note the first letters = DREAMS.