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When I die and I`m standing at the gates, I hope they give me the carpenter`s cup challenge from Indiana Jones. I`m totally ready for that one.
If I could go back in time I would put cheese on a lot more things.
I just found out cock fighting is done with roosters and now it feels like this 6 months of training has been wasted.
I don`t try to annoy people; its just a gift.
Share this if you are weird and don`t care
Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... Pretend it`s a beer... - Me trying not to drop a baby.
I lost a very close friend and drinking partner last week. He got his finger caught in a wedding ring.
As soon as I figure out who drank my 2 cases of beer, I`m gonna try to figure out why I`m so drunk.
At 4-way stop, the first person to finish their text has the right of way right?
If you are what you eat then where is this place that a ton of people are eating stupid?
I may be delusional but at least I`m going to Mars in November.
I enjoy romantic scrolls up and down your timeline.
My favorite sex position is, "don`t tell anyone we did this".
Women, we don`t say this enough, but thank you...Thank you for not killing us in our sleep. Sincerely, Men.
RIGHT NOW YOU HAVE: 3 fingers behind your phone, your pinky tucked under for support and your scrolling with your thumb! LIKE if Iām right!!!!