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If I were my boss, I`d never leave my coffee cup unattended.
You girls are lucky, tampons are changing the end from a string to a bit of tinsel but its only for the Christmas period
Nothing f*cks up your Friday like realizing that it’s only Thursday.
Detroit and Chicago seem to be getting it right as of late. Limit all politicians to two terms. One in elected Office and one in prison.
Sometimes to much to drink is never enough
Happiness, is just a liquor store away.
Now it`s too hot to take down the outdoor Christmas lights.
I have a life outside of internet, it involves charging my phone.
The fastest way to get someone to call you back is to take a shower.
If it looks like a pig and walks like a pig, do me a favor & tell my ex girlfriend I said hello.
I like to walk around the house naked. Until the cops chase me back inside.
I got this weird condition where I drink a case of beer and fall down.
"I can`t believe it`s not clutter." ~ A recovering hoarder
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
Happy 15th birthday google, 3 more years and you will be able to search for adult sites legally