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Facebook game requests are like the Jehovah`s witnesses of the internet.
Happy people don`t take long showers.
Women are always complaining that men are messy by leaving clothes layin around…..That’s because women take up all the closets
I’m gonna have to get new pets, I’m running out of passwords.
If a cannibal is late to dinner do they give him the cold shoulder?
Got kicked out of Ziggy`s. " supposably" your not allowed to stand on their scales. Says I broke them. On the brighter side I weigh 135900 grams
You should see the sh!t I don`t post.
Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
FUN FACT: I can fit 17 Pringles in my mouth. SAD FACT: I tried to figure out how many Pringles I could fit in my mouth.
How many HA’s equal a LOL? How about a LMAO? Is there a conversion chart somewhere?
I am now convinced that the homeless people have all of the shopping carts that do not have the wobbly wheels.
People in glass houses can throw whatever they want. They live in a glass house, I`m not expecting them to be practical
Being in the friend zone is like being the guy in the band who plays that little triangle.
I wonder if Monday can see my middle finger from here?