Daily Silly Status

In my defense, your honor, he had the keyboard clicking sound on his phone turned on.

Its not my fault if I blame everyone for my mistakes...right?

"Any way you can speed this up, officer? I`m obviously in a hurry."

That awkward moment when you buy a pack of condoms and your wife ask. what you gonna do with those?

If a man repeats everything a woman says, word for word,,,,,,,, is he still wrong?

My bank called because they noticed ‘highly suspicious activity’ on my charge account. It was for a gym membership.

I can eat anything in the house unless it was specifically bought for my wife but the only way to know it`s for her is to eat it. Apparently

I simply haven’t seen enough solid evidence that suggests not drinking is better than drinking.

FACT: 99.7% of guys named "Dan" are not actually "The Man".

I always wanted to be somebody, but now I realize I should have been more specific

I wish I could lose weight as easily as I lose my mind and my temper

why do i feel like you are reading this

pens and pencils are drumsticks and desks and textbooks are drum kits. its a fact.

Seriousley.. The cuntestents in the 2013 speling beee contast hafe too now no the meening of the werd thay hafe been axed too spell. I coud rock that contast so eesy :))))) eg. The meening of "Easy". Anser: a kids oven

My mother is my travel agent for guilt trips.