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Love is grand. Divorce is 100 grand.
Cubic Zirconium`s slogan should be: Guys can fake it too!
I don’t understand the point of lap-dancing clubs. If I wanted a woman to take all my money and sexually frustrate me, I’d stay at home with the wife.
If I were invisible I`d go beat up a street mime...the applause he would get would be incredible
What are nuts on a wall? Walnuts. What are nuts on the chest? Chestnuts. What are nuts against a chin? Blow job.
I only drink on two occasions; when its my birthday and when its not.
Sociologists say that social media is creating the laziest generation ever. I expressed my opinion in great detail by hitting the “Like” button.
The best things in life can`t be seen or touched. At least, that`s what the restraining order says.
How come the voices inside of a crazy person`s head never say shit like "hey, go to the gym" or "hey, cure cancer" or "hey, don`t be crazy"?
I`m alone in my car ... Counting it as a vacation.
There`s been a whole lot of office Romance since I became self employed...
I will never miss you, because I`m a really good shooter.
I live in a small town where the population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregant a guy leaves town.
An important phone call is something that occurs when there`s no better excuse to ignore someone.
Girls these days be like `I wanna get the Double Ristretto Venti Half-Soy Nonfat Decaf Organic Chocolate Brownie Iced Vanilla Double-Shot Gingerbread Frappuccino Extra Hot With Foam Whipped Cream Upside Down Double Blended, One Sweet`N Low and One Nutrasweet, and Ice tan look`