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I`ve spent approximately 2% of my life walking back to the trash can and checking the box to see how long I need to microwave my food.
You know you are old when people keep telling you how young you look.
As long as everything is exactly the way I want it, I`m totally flexible
Does Facebook have a “You’re not smart enough to be talking about politics” button?
Today, I am doing my part to conserve energe, I’m going back to bed.
Ferris Bueller did more in one day than I’ve done in my entire life.
Not to get technical… but according to chemistry alcohol is a solution.
I`m a crabby a$$ bitch before my coffee ... and after
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Millions of innocent coconuts are murdered each year so you can drink their nutritious blood you insensitive health freak
My 6 year old found the duct tape and now nothing in my house moves.
Pretending to be a functioning adult is exhausting.
Did you know? If you put your finger in your ear and scratch, it sounds like Packman!
I need to hire someone who will follow me around and just knock the unhealthy food out of my hand.
I don´t suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.