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Still haven`t taken down the Christmas tree. Screw it. We now have a Super Bowl tree.
What flavor is this Harlem Shake you speak of?
Some girls are so desperate. Who calls 3 times, leaves a voicemail, and sends a text?? Take a hint, mom.
I drink one glass of red wine a day for my health. The rest of the bottle is because I like being drunk.
Whoa! Thank you warning label! I was actually considering using my new floor lamp in the shower.
Well...today is the day. Just gotta build up the nerve to tell my dog she is adopted.
I bet if you were in a city getting attacked by huge sci-fi monsters youd run and scream but in the back of your mind youd be like “awesome”
OK I`ve stumbled out of bed and made it to the computer- and another Facebook day begins!
Well ... here I am ... cleverly disguised as a responsible adult!
Some of my best memories are naps.
Why did the Fresh Prince have to take a cab anyways? How sh!tty was that family that no one would pick him up from the airport?
My doctor said I should eat better. I told him, with what he charges, I’m lucky I eat at all.
One thing that I have never had in the glove box of my car, is a pair of gloves.
My school always awarded dictionaries to the spelling bee winners. Which was weird because it should actually be awarded to the losers.
My boss yelled at me yesterday "It`s the fifth time you`ve been late to work this week! Do you know what that means?!" I said, "Probably that it`s Friday?"…