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Collecting my thoughts… I almost have a whole set! ;)
Today I think I`ll go to a public restroom and wait until someone leaves, then click your stopwatch and write something down in a notebook.
If I hit snooze 3 times it should automatically send an email to my boss saying I’ll be out sick.
Feeling bored? Go to a clothing store and put "one size fits all" stickers on the bras.
Does anyone have the recipe for ice cubes? Asking for a friend.
I give myself the best presents.
If I had a time machine I`d set it to "back in the day", just to see what everyone is talking about.
Every parent’s superpower is the ability to communicate “I love you!” and “I will kill you!” with a single look.
I hate when I’m comfortable in bed and I forget my iPhone in the other room!
I wonder how much a zebra would cost if you scan it…
Who decided that we should sit together in groups while we chew food?
Isn’t it funny how people that talk too much also have annoying voices?
Every time I almost think humanity will be okay, I see someone struggle with the self-checkout for 20 minutes.
Whenever I think of a funny status I always get a pen and write it down so I can use it later, and if the pen is too far away I just convince myself that it wasn’t that funny anyway.
Some days it´s not worth chewing through the straps.