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My Chinese waiter put my food down in front of another white guy who looked nothing like me. I get it now.............Wait, That`s not my waiter!
They say when life gives you lemons….but what if life hands you a rather large banana? What then, my friend? What then?
I can`t decide if people who wear pajamas in public have given up on life or are living it to the fullest.
I don`t think I get enough credit for the fact that I do all of this unmedicated.
In a perfect world Taco Bell would deliver...
Guess what I saw today ... Everything I looked at. ;)
Admitting you have a problem is half the battle. Convincing everyone else that they`re the problem is the other half.
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
hates when I´m singing along with the radio and the artist messes up the words!
I love how my calendar assumes when I add a 8:00 event, it`s AM. Google thinks I`ve got my life together.
Imagine how out of control drinking would if we didn`t have hangovers
My favorite mythical creature is the happy b*tch in tampon commercials.
Some days the problem is I care too much… Today was not one of those days…
If the shoe fits, buy it.
I`m glad the Eclipse is over so I can go back to staring directly into the sun.