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It’s ok if you don’t agree with me. I can’t force you to be right.
If it requires pants, its not happening today.
Just think: right now, your body is cookin` up some poop.
Life rarely hands me anything. Am I in the wrong line?
Just vacuumed for the first time in a really long time and apparently I have hardwood floors?
I always say "morning" instead of "good morning". If it were a good morning I`d still be in bed instead of talking to people.
You say I’m dirty minded, but how did you understand what I meant?
I want to die peacefully in my sleep like my grandfather did, not screaming for their lives like the passengers in the back of his truck
Why can`t everyday be football Sunday?
I’ll need a weekend to recover from this weekend.
I have hit the age where sex and choosing the exact right size Tupperware for leftovers are equally satisfying...
Guys, if you buy ANY woman clothing, & you don’t get her a size S with a gift receipt, you’re an a$$hole.
This woman just flipped me off and I couldn`t agree more.
Most friends with benefits have such high deductibles that you`ll always be paying way too much out of pocket.
I think abs are for guys that don`t have the confidence to wear a nice T-shirt to the pool.