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If I work up the courage to tell you I love you...the least you can do is introduce yourself to me dammit.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
I just saw a giant spider in my room so I sprayed it with hairspray. It`s not dead, but its hair looks fabulous.
No one knows what women really want, but everyone agrees it still won`t be enough.
Getting back with your ex is like taking a shower and putting back on your dirty underwear.
Cooking Tip: If you`re tired of always having to boil water everytime you make pasta, boil a few gallons at the beginning of the week and freeze it for later ... you`re welcome!
I won the Twister contest hands-down.
When my dog sniffs another dog`s poop I can only assume that it`s their equivalent to checking a friend`s facebook page.
I think today I`ll stalk my stalker, just to shake things up a little.
Getting to places would be so much easier if I had a helicopter.
I am having one of those days where my middle finger answers every question.
It’s the people that DON`T talk to themselves that are the crazy ones. At least that’s what I tell myself.
Mirror mirror on the wall, I am sexy; screw you all.
Fact: You wish Facebook had the middle finger button.
I like to listen to mexican radio but I dont know what they are singing or saying so I just pretend they are singing about how awesome I am.