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Apparently, when asked by a Traffic Cop "Where you going in such a hurry?", "To your sister`s house!" is not considered respectful to a law enforcement official......
Sometimes, I`ll start a text with "lol" if it might be a sensitive subject. Like, "lol it`d be cool if you moved out."
In relationships, it’s important to pay attention to the person’s likes and dislikes. My parole officer, for example, hates to be tickled.
I`ve been waiting all winter to start complaining about the summer heat.
Kids are like debit cards. I get yelled at when I accidentally leave them at the store.
I`m great at spelling bees ... But hopless at spelling other words.
I go on dates just to remind myself that being single is awesome.
If we start calling it `potato juice`, Vodka becomes a health drink. RIGHT?
I once saw a forklift lift a crate of forks. It was way too literal for me.
LOL` the biggest lie on the internet.
You trust me holding your child? Do you know how many iPhone screens I’ve cracked?
I want one of those jobs where people ask, “Do you actually get paid for doing this?”
Don`t just be one of those people who stares at their phone or computer twelve hours a day. It`s important to also watch some TV.
my stomach just growled and it sounded like it said... `Droid`....
I painted a banner for our annual family picnic, but my Mom thought "Celebrating 100 Years of Undiagnosed Mental Illness" was inappropriate.