Daily Silly Status

We laughed, we cried, we tried another credit card.

I hope Karma smacks some people before I do.

Spoiler alert: I unplugged your fridge.

Just once I wanna see a pregnancy test commercial where the female is like, "Aww, f**k..."

Is it wrong to drop off drunks at houses that aren`t theirs?

I was in the gym earlier and decided to jump on the treadmill. People were giving me weird looks, so I started jogging instead.

I don`t get why people find drunk texts annoying. You`re the person they`re thinking of when their brain can`t even function properly.

Why do they have “limited edition” scented candles? Are there crazy people collecting these things?

I started to compliment my neighbors on their new wallpaper but then I realized they can`t hear me through binoculars.

I would not mind living next to a serial killer. They never kill the neighbor. He`s the one that`s always on the news later saying "He was a quite guy, never really talked to anyone." Wait a minute ... I don`t talk to my neighbors!

Stop, drop, and roll isn`t just an effective fire safety tip, but it is also an interesting way to get out of a boring conversation.

Remember when people had diaries & got mad when someone read them? Now they put everything online and get mad when people don`t

Trying to be less negative but it`ll never work.

I am really getting tired of every time I go out people use me for my body. You know, to shade them from the sun and all.

When someone hands you a flyer, it’s like they’re saying here you throw this away.