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Sometimes the first step to forgiveness is understanding that the other person is an idiot.
Turning your signal light on once you`ve already changed lanes is just about as useful as offering to help the old lady across the street AFTER she`s already been hit by a school bus full of screaming children. Just sayin`
The adult version of Operation is trying not to break a tortilla chip while dipping it into a jar of salsa.
i just accidentally used AOL online, im betting the workers there are celebrating and think they have a chance in the future. lol
can say whatever the hell I want as my Facebook Status, and nobody will be offended as long as I smile at the end. Example: I hate everybody today :) - LOL
When life is stressful, do something to lift your spirits. Go for a drive. Go two or three thousand miles away. Maybe change your name.
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk while it´s still snowing
I`ve been eating a lot of extra calories since daylight savings to make up for that hour of eating I missed.
Some people should use a glue stick for lip balm
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
I’m Not Arguing. I’m Simply Explaining Why I’m Right.
I hate when the cops throw me in the back of the squad car like they didn’t hear me call shotgun.
It`s really difficult to find what you want on eBay. I was searching for cigarette lighters and found over 15,000 matches...
LOSE WEIGHT FAST! Mix equal parts warm water, apple cider vinegar, & lemon juice toss that disgusting sh!t into a sink & get on a treadmill.
President Donald Trump will sign an executive order tomorrow to bring back Pluto as a planet. Make the universe GREAT again.