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Don’t text and drive. You don’t want “lol” to be the last thing you say before you die.
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
It’s the getting ahead that I’m running behind on.
Why does Sea World have a seafood restaurant? I`m halfway through my fish burger and I realize, Oh my God, I could be eating a slow learner...
The early bird gets the worm but the second mouse gets the cheese.
If you think about it,, Batman was pretty lazy about naming all his stuff.
Was the little pig who built his house out of straw some sort of idiot?
You know you`re broke when your Bologna Does Not have a first name!
I`m a passionate supporter of things that don`t inconvenience me or require any type of action or physical effort.
Accidentally punched myself in the face while trying to pull my blanket up, if that doesn`t accurately describe my life I don`t know what does
I`ve just been hit in the head with a werthers, and I thought........... That`s original!!!
I did not steal your drink. You abandoned it and I rescued it.
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
With my eyes. That`s how I roll.
If the cupcake has some green sprinkles on it, it`s a vegetable, right?