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Women, if you want to strike a bit of fear into your man, just smile really big and ask him, "Notice anything different?"
I started to question my sanity this morning, It told me to "Shut up and chew through the straps....). I was free by noon......Wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!
We live in a world in where it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract
I`m in a good place right now. Not emotionally....just that I`m at the liquor store.
Had a blast doing my Black Friday tradition!!!! I slept!
Starting to believe I`m trouble
Now that the Summer is over, I can finally stop pretending to be on a diet
Sometimes I whisper, "I´m on your side" to the computers, just in case they ever succeed in taking over the world.
I enjoy long romantic walks to the fridge.
Sometimes my kid likes me, but I`m pretty sure it`s only because I`m his Oreo dealer.
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
Me: There has to be a way I can lose weight! Friend: Eat healthy? Exercise? Me: No, that`s not it. Keep thinking! We`ll figure this out.
You care so much about me? Keep that sh*t to yourself i got my demons under control
I feel sorry for men who don’t know how to value women. One look at a woman and I know how much she will cost me.
If you heard twenty minutes of moaning from my bedroom that was just me trying to stand up.