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Pepsi and Coke can`t even be in the same restaurant together and society wants us all to get along. Pffftt.
Studies show that 5 out of 6 people enjoy Russian roulette.
If there`s one thing that I`ve learned it`s, that I should have learned way more than one thing.
Always keep a note in your medicine cabinet that says, “I thought you were peeing?”
Scientists discover that caterpillars can whistle. Am I the only one wondering if they`re concentrating their efforts on the wrong things?
Safe words are for quitters.
I really think there should be a separate driving lane for those of us running solely on caffeine and rage.
Bitch, you`re just like monday, nobody likes you -_-
You know you have anger-management issues when you use an entire can of fly spray at point blank range to kill the tinest of moths...
The pollen is so bad this year that the trailer park people are changing crystal meth back into Sudafed.
It’s always a special moment when you finally get to hear those three words you’ve been waiting for……. “Your order’s ready.”
Teacher: Have a seat! Student: Thanks! *picks up the chair and leaves* -- (°_°)
I`m glad that we as humans settled on the hand shake as a greeting instead of the whole ass sniffing thing.
Describe yourself in 3 words". "Not good at following instructions"
I sure could help a lot of needy people if I won the big Powerball draw. Mainly sales people needing a commission, but still...