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According to a recent study 52% of women have used vibrators....I`m guessing the other 48% have new ones?
I always say, "morning." Instead of, "good morning." If it were a good morning, I would still be asleep in bed instead of talking to people.
You`re as useless as a referee in the WWE
Oh Mickey, you’re so fine, you’re so fine you blow my mind. Hey Mickey. Hey Hey Mickey!..face it you didn’t read that, you sang it.
What’s the point of making people like Paul McCartney and Elton John knights if they’re not going to joust?
A coworker wouldn`t stop bragging about her upcoming trip to Hawaii, so I emailed her a bunch of pictures of plane crashes.
One advantage of growing old is you don`t have to worry about hackers stealing your nude pics out of the cloud.
The monent of triumph when your bag is the first off the plane.
My apartment is so dirty that I actually lost my last girlfriend to the 5 second rule.
My body is made up of 90% water, 5% pizza and 5% wine.
It really pisses me off when I plan a conversation in my head and the other person doesn’t follow the damn script.
I hate when I accidentally eat everything in sight.
Chuck E Cheese: Because it`s never too early to introduce your children to gambling and bad nutrition.
Why do people freak out about dolphins getting caugh in tuna nets? What about the tuna?
You find it offensive? ... I find it funny ... That`s why I`m happier than you.