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Starting an international incident is number one on my bucket list.
I noticed you stopped taking your meds. Can I have them?
I inboxed a girl on Facebook and she never replied. I guess you could say we`re `seen` each other.
I once peed a girl`s name in the snow, so don`t fcuking tell me I don`t know romance.
I dont think McDonald`s french fries are real food. Just found one under my car seat from two months ago and it looked perfect ... Tasted fine, too.
I look at you and think "why has no-one hit you with a shovel yet?"
It’s not real love unless you leave your phone in plain sight overnight.
When people tell me “You’re gonna regret that in the morning” I sleep in til noon, because I’m a problem solver.
for those people out there who don`t know me, congrats your not a facebook addict
I dream of a day when a mysterious hand will pop out of the screen and b!tch-slap you silly each time you post a boring or stupid status.
Holiday cards, when you care enough to let friends, family, customers & clients see how your handwriting hasn`t improved since fourth grade.
I fold down my laptop screen very slowly at night so I don`t squish you guys.
Ain`t no sunshine when she`s gone..... or sandwiches.... Ain`t no sandwiches either.
Who was the greatest prostitute in history? Ms. Pacman, for 25 cents that b*tch swallowed balls till she died.
According to the customer service, the cable guy should be here sometime between 10:00 a.m. and the return of Christ.