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Of all the things I have lost in life I mis my mind the most
Forget the hero part, I just like the fact that Batman punches clowns.
In terms of procrastination, I had a very productive day.
Saw a woman crying as she was buying tampons last night. ..Must be going through a tough period in her life.
A recent survey of one person reveals that 100% of me thinks I should leave work early.
"But why?" - Me at weddings
It`s impossible to get a parking ticket if you don`t have windshield wipers.
I hate when people try to make small talk on the elevator. "How`s it going?", "How about the weather?", "Where are your pants?".
bitches want what they cant have..or thats what I keep telling myself
Success, like a fart, only bothers people when its not their own.
Does shaking the vending machine count as working ...
The best thing about the internet is knowledge. You have all this knowledge at your fingertips! And we get to share what we learn with others! Oh...wait a second. I forgot about porn. OK I take it back. PORN is the best thing about the internet!
Never piss off the person that cooks your dinner ... EVER!
I wanna lie on the floor and not think for a month or two.
My mum`s so old fashioned she thinks LOL = Lots of love. She sent me an SMS saying just to let you know you`re Pa`s in hospital LOL.