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Take mentos and freeze into ice cubes. Put the ice cubes in your friend’s drink. After five minutes their drink will randomly explode.
I am busier than a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.
Engineers: "okay, so we agree the space between the seat and the console will allow people to see what they dropped but never retrieve it"
Okay, I am getting really irritated. This is the 5th ATM I`ve been to today that`s had "insufficient funds".
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I finally quit eating pizza for good, now I only eat pizza for evil.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Word of the day is bishop: My aunt fell down the stairs and I had to pick the bishop.
Work is the curse of the drinking class.
I love facebook because it helps me remember what I did the night before when I blacked out.
Golf is finally starting to pay off. I just signed a contract with Nike for a large sum of money in return for agreeing never to be seen playing with any of their equipment.
I wouldn`t say I`m a stalker so much as I am a covert observation enthusiast.
Hillary Clinton is running for president. In other news, grass is green and the sun is hot.
The fastest way to being happy is to make other people happy. You go first.
Not to brag,,,, but legally,,, before something can be labeled "Idiot Proof",,, they have to run it by ME.