Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
It`s what`s on the inside that counts... *Except chocolate covered raisins.
Just seen the new Batman shampoo in Costco. I can`t believe they haven`t paired it up with a conditioner Gordon.
For your anniversary, if your wife asks for something shiny that goes from 0 to 150 in 3 seconds...don`t get her a bathroom scale. Just sayin"
You know you`re a bad driver when Siri says, " In 400 feet, stop and let me out".
When I was a kid, I used to sing, `A, B, C,D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, ELEMENO, P`
Kleptomaniacs always take things literally.
I live for two reasons. 1) I was born. 2) I haven`t died yet.
Such a satisfying feeling when “the one that got away” turns into “dodged that bullet”
PRO TIP: Date someone who doesn`t drink vodka so she won`t drink all of yours.
The only thing alcohol can`t cure is alcoholism.
I`ll take an ice cream sandwich please. You know what? I`m trying to be healthy, can you change that to an ice cream salad instead? Thanks
Every conversation should come with a snooze button. That way if you`re being too boring, I can push a button and keep you from talking for the next 10 minutes.
I`m that friend you have to explain to people before you introduce me... And apologize for after.
Girls here`s an idea, instead of spending all that money on makeup. Just buy your guy a bottle of Jack Daniels.
I`ll sell my broken watch when the time is right.