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It is days like today that I am glad that we all don`t live in a Yellow Submarine. Well at least not in the same one.
Given enough coffee, I could rule the world.
Relieved to finally get a new microchipped debit card that provides added security to protect the $13.68 in my checking account.
Sometimes it takes me 8 hours to get nothing done.
If you see someone wearing camouflage clothing, bump into them. It only takes a second of your time & it makes them feel like it works.
Having a bit of a lazy day, sitting in my underwear looking for jobs online ... My boss doesn`t look amused
Pro tip for picking up girls - keep your back straight and lift with your knees.
I wonder when people without cars pick their noses…
Hell hath no fury like a hungry me.
Dear vegetarians, thanks for saving all the good food for us.
Every day is just a new opportunity to eat pizza.
You think you have problems, I used a toothpick to get a toothpick out of my teeth this morning.
Chip clips are for quitters.
The opposite of "tying the knot" is "no strings attached"
Laugh now but at the rate they are reproducing, the people of Walmart may one day take over the world.