Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Everyone has their area of expert knowledge.... if any of you need tips on how to do absolutely nothing amazingly well, let me know.
You know it`s been a good day when you finally take your pajamas off - and put some new ones on.
I like to drink while I clean and that`s how I found out what Febreze tastes like.
The phrase “Don’t take this the wrong way.” has a zero percent success rate.
The only thing worse than having a song stuck in your head for an entire day is not knowing the name of the song.
Breakfast in bed probably means you are dating someone. Dinner in bed means you`re probably single.
People are so ungrateful. No one ever thanks me for having the patience not to kill them.
I saw some footage of some polar bears drinking water today. It’s obviously fake. Everybody knows they only drink Coca-Cola.
Next time a conspiracy theorist says, "That`s what they want you to think," say, "No, but that`s what they wanted you to tell me."
My boss hates it when I shorten his name to Dick. Especially since his name is Mike.
The NFL has hired their first female referee ... She will be throwing flags for penalties the teams committed 5 years ago.
So who wants to tell the person who just threw a new phone book on my porch about the internet?
Whenever I hear "let me tell you the truth", I secretly cross my fingers, hoping they say "brownies are healthy, eat as many as you want."
Experience with women has taught me that Jack was most likely pushed down the hill.
Somebody needs to teach opportunity how to use a doorbell.