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Geez. I make one little mistake and my pharmacist now adds "by mouth" on the prescription label.
It has been brought to my attention that those stick figure decals on vehicles are not "kill" scores, but actually suppose to represent members of the family. I will be removing all my decals to avoid any further confusion.
How do blind people know when to stop wiping their asses
I drank an energy drink so if anyone needs help packing, pushing your car to a gas station or shaking the leaves off a tree
I`ve taken my kids all over the country, but their favorite place to be is still "in the way."
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
Non-alcoholic beer is like a vibrator without batteries. It fills you up nicely but without the buzz.
Sex, do it for the kids.
Holding up score cards during sex is not acceptable, apparently.
I`m not a mechanic so I don`t know why, but my car seems to make a screaming noise whenever I run over people.
Arguing over a girl`s bust size is like choosing between Molson, Heineken, Coors or Budweiser -- Men may state their preferences, but will grab whatever is available.
The secret to a successful lemonade stand is vodka.
I am upping my standards.. so up yours!
The amount of time my smartphone spends plugged in charging, you might as well want to call it a Land-line
It’s not my fault God gave you boobs to stare at.