Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Facebook is like Chinese food. When you think you had enough, you want more.
My first mistake was thinking she couldn`t hit a moving target.
I called one of those numbers in the bathroom stall and my wife answered. Very funny guys.
I don`t always drink beer. But when I do, I always lie about not always drinking beer.
"A vodka, please" "Sir, this is McDonald`s" "OK, a McVodka, please and super size it."
I used to care ... but I take a pill for that now.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
All alcohol will make my clothes fall off… tequila just makes that happen in public.
My boys cleaned out my car and now my change is missing. Little do they know, it costs exactly $3.63 to turn our wifi back on.
All those years of getting horrible elementary school pictures was just society`s way of preparing you for your driver`s license photo.
No. My hair magically got shorter.
Follow your dreams. Unless it’s a person ... apparently they call that stalking.
In order to avoid hating myself in the morning, I sleep till noon.
Sometimes the majority only means that all the fools are on the same side.
I keep seeing all these commercial on TV about working out and getting "ripped" in 90 days.. Give me a bottle of Jack Daniels and I`ll get ripped in 15 minutes