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Turns out Xenophobia is not `A fear of Warrior Princesses`
Don`t ``Wine and dine`` me ... ``Champagne`` me ... step it up a notch
If my girl didn`t want me to wear her new Christmas thong, she shouldn`t have said she bought it "for me." Women are confusing.
Single ? I`m not single, I`m in a long standin relationship with fun and freedom ! ;)
Welcome to our nearly empty restaurant. Please follow me to our worst table.
My GPS says "time of arrival" ... I see "time to beat."
Have the people who designed wine glasses ever washed dishes in their lives?
YOU KNOW WHY!!!!!!!!!!
Im at my classiest when my neighbor catches me begging my dog to sh!t faster because it`s cold.
Life tip: if someone comes out of a bathroom sweating, do not go in that bathroom.
My Retirement Plan hinges on having at least one successful kid.
Right now my glass is half empty...Hey Bartender!!!
I don`t get women. Also, I don`t understand them.
Better to be incredibly weird than incredibly boring.
Good news everyone – my proctologist called and all the tests were negative. Bad news - his ring is missing...