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Middle age is when you choose your cereal for the fiber, not the toy
I hope to get to the point in my life where I`m not excited about finding change on the ground.
Friendship must be built on a solid foundation of alcohol, nudity, inappropriateness, and shenanigans.
I`m not crazy, I`m just special!!...No, wait...Maybe I am crazy. One second...I have to talk to myself about this, hold on...
If you rearrange the letters of "postmen" they get really pissed off.
Please, if I ever offend you, it’s because I meant to.
Still no news on the royal baby. One will assume its being delivered by Royal Mail
havung sex in a elevator is wrong on so many levels....no mattet what floor your on
There’s nothing worse than getting $0.99 back in change.
Government Shutdown: Day Three Jellystone Park still closed. Still no pic-a-nic baskets. Yogi stares at Boo-Boo... Boo-Boo looks tasty.
I say ” I shouldn’t be telling you this,” at the beginning of every conversation so people will listen to what I’m saying.
If I was famous I would just knock on peoples doors and be like ... Hello, yes it`s me.
I wouldn`t want to fly Virgin. Who`d want to fly an airline that doesn`t go all the way?
If only losing weight was as easy as losing my cell phone, my keys, my temper, or even my mind ... I`d be SO skinny!
A quiet man, is a thinking man. A quiet woman, is usually mad.