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If anyone tells you that you drink to much on the weekends. Stop talking to them...you don`t need that kind of negativity in your life
They say the camera adds 10lbs. Stop eating cameras!
It`s just a mater of time before bathrooms will eventually be called Selfie Rooms
I`m going to test my theory that tequila kills the flu... Or brain cells... Whatever, doesn`t matter... something`s gonna die tonight.
I wonder if clouds ever look down on us and say "Hey look. That one is shaped like an idiot
If history has taught us anything, it’s that reheated french fries are gross.
After a while you just get used to people not understanding.
My pants are 75% off.
If a single teacher can’t teach all the subjects then how could you expect a single student to learn all subjects.
Lately, my furnace has run so much I nicknamed it "Forest".
I just bumped into my old headmistress who said how weird it is to see me all grown up now. Surely it would be weirder if I was still 9.
All I`m saying is if I`m not allowed to give a monkey a gun at the zoo they should have a sign.
If you lose a tooth as an adult, the tooth fairy gives you a trailer.
Wouldn`t it be great if we could put ourselves in the dryer for 10 mins and come out wrinkle free and 2 sizes smaller...
Who ever invented the knock knock joke should get the no bell prize.