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I don`t need glasses ... I drink straight from the bottle.
To be honest, I panic a bit right before I have to pronounce Worcestershire sauce.
They’re called scents, not flavors, I should not able to taste your perfume or cologne.
If you have to ask if it`s too early to drink wine...You`re an amateur and we can`t be friends.
Don`t blame the holidays, you were fat in August.
Really don`t see the need for pants for the rest of this day. :)
Dear naps, I`m sorry I was such a jerk to you as a kid.
Sad life : After watching 2 seconds of Spongebob I already know what episode it is ... I`m 41
You make me feel "I`m-typing-this-with-my-middle-finger" angry.
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
If you feel like you’re about to punch someone, take a deep breath. Then exhale as you punch to get more power.
I got a new marker today that smells like grapes. Thats why I`ve been so quiet.
I want to get a welcome mat for my front door that just says "Text Me"
Football: 22 people on the field desperately in need of rest and 75,000 in the stands desperately in need of exercise.
How Big is Infinity?