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If suppositories were just a bit smaller, they would be a whole lot easier to swallow...........................
Your french fries are just my french fries on the wrong plate.
I like how flies rub their hands together like tiny criminals
Would you be a deer and run out in front of my car for me?
I just called the Alcohol Hotline and those bastards don`t even deliver.
Why procrastinate today when you can procrastinate tomorrow?
Anything I say or do before I`ve had my coffee doesn`t count.
Raw eggs are great for a fitness diet. If you don`t like the taste, just add sugar, flour, cocoa and baking powder and bake for 30 minutes.
You don`t truly know someone until you see how they react to their bag of chips getting stuck in a vending machine.
A word to the wise isn`t necessary - it`s the stupid ones that need the advice.
If women would start naming their periods like hurricanes it would be alot easier for us men to remember which argument you are referring to.
If goldfish crackers actually tasted like goldfish-- wait, I just realized I`ve never tasted a goldfish. What if the crackers are accurate?
Dyslexics are teople poo.. :|
The future was so much cooler in the past.
My wife asks me to remind her about stuff. That way if she forgets something, it`s my fault.