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Looks like I won`t be updating my status today...
This day is only a margarita away from being a good one.
I gotta go guys. I just found out my lunch break isn`t 3 hours long.
I feel like landlords who don’t allow dogs but DO allow children, don’t know very much about children.
I guess today has been pretty good. I haven`t had to slap one single person yet....
To save time, lets just assume I am never wrong ;)
"It gotten SOOO cold in D.C., politicians have their hands in their OWN pockets!"
I want it all and I want it delivered.
"We attack at dawn!" - Hangovers
Man: "You look nice today..." Woman: "Was I ugly yesterday?"
When I was a kid, I thought quicksand was going to be a much bigger problem than it really is.
I just discovered my oven CAN CLEAN ITSELF! Naturally I will be searching my apartment looking for similar buttons.
A stress ball, made of concrete, and to throw at the person who`s stressing you out.
My friend bought some new floral underwear today. I asked her why she bought `floral` underwear to which she replied "its in memory of all the faces that have been buried there".
Dear whoever ate my fries while i was in the ball pit at McDonald`s... grow up!!