Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
some people just need a high-five......in the face......with a chair!
The Bible is pretty accurate...Especially when thrown at close range.
My mom at night: Good night, sweet dreams I love you. My mom in the morning: Wake the f*ck up you lazy piece of sh!t.
Yikes. don`t google "cream pies", google "cream pie recipes"
Just gonna wait to see how long it takes this police sketch artist to realize I`m describing him.
I like to smile at people who don`t like me because I`m an asshole
Ever notice that all the instruments searching for intelligent life are pointed away from earth?
It`s amazing how many people are diagnosed with a disease as soon as there`s a pill available for it.
Old is when you start thinking about the things you used to do more than the things you’re going to do.
I know she`s talking about rain but I don`t like hearing my mom say she got 6 inches
Exercise by running up the street knocking on all the doors. - Jehovah`s Fitness.
A mosquito landed on my balls... Hardest decision of my life.
If she owns more than 4 pairs of yoga pants, expect A LOT of text messages
I`m going to invent a cleaning product that kills .1% of all germs and bacteria. It doesn`t sound very effective, but I`m going to get it placed right next to all the other cleaning products that kill 99.9% of all germs and bacteria.
I hate when reality happens outside of my head.