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This woman is so impressed at my driving that she got next to me just to show me she’s not wearing a ring. Thanks hun, but wrong finger!
For every bad idea you have, I’m always there to tell you…I’m in.
Ladies: We leave the toilet seat up because we don`t want to touch it any more than you do.
Whatever you do in life, always give 100%…unless you’re donating blood…
Pro tip: when you have a drug test and they tell you to go to the bathroom in the cup, that means PEE. Always.
According to Facebook, some people I don`t remember are grilling this weekend.
Okay im going to make myself a sandwich, and i better have some votes when i come back. -.-
11th Commandment: Thou shall not gossip about other people’s lives when you are not doing any better yourself.
No thanks, cardio, this pot of coffee will get my heart rate up just fine
Never forget that we live in a world in which it is easier to get out of a marriage than a mobile-phone contract.
If there`s one thing I`ve learnt in life it`s to stay clothed during sensitive conversations.
As a future ghost, I`m kinda bummed out about the dress code.
The trouble with being punctual is that nobody’s there to appreciate it.
Instead of LOL, try SALTS ( smiled a little, then stopped)
Yawning is the body`s way of saying `10% Battery Remaining`.