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You call the shots. I`ll drink them.
Alcoholic? No. Self-appointed booze quality control technician? Yes.
I`m only a morning person on December 25th
Do you ever wish you had a second chance to meet someone again for the first time?
Whoever left me in charge of all this booze is going to have a lot to answer for tomorrow.
It`s so hot I have my air condition set on bankruptcy.
Statistically, I`ve come to the conclusion that I`m going to hell in multiple religions.
Just picked the remote up off the floor with my foot while laying on the sofa so I guess today is leg day.
It is a sad day when you go to all the trouble of getting a Frontal Lobotomy and no one notices.....................
If my body is EVER found dead on a designated jogging trail.. Just know I was murdered elsewhere and dumped there.. :|
Boy: "Life`s a bitch, so is my Girlfriend." Girlfriend: "Life`s short, so is his d!ck.
They should open a bar and call it "The Gym" so I can be like those annoying people on Facebook who brag about going to the gym every day.
Can I tell you how terribly grateful I am that no one had cell phones, iPads or digital cameras when I had to squaredance in P.E.
Here`s a fun idea: Before your next party or get together, buy some liver and other cuts of meat. Put them in clear containers and put labels on them with random names ("Clarice", "Richard", etc). Then put them in your refrigerator. For even more fun, put some empty containers beside the fridge with your friends` names on them....
What idiot called it the "Happy Birthday" song instead of New Age music