Your home to over 150,000 silly Facebook statuses! Find the perfect witty, silly, or downright funny status to share with your friends and family. Check in daily for fresh updates!
Has anyone ever seen a gorilla in the mist? Some of the local drivers struggle to see my car in perfect daylight conditions, so I doubt that they`d spot a Gorilla in limited visibility!!!!!
Insomnia sharpens your math skills because you spend all night calculating how much sleep you`ll get if you`re able to "fall asleep right now."
I don`t know where the saying "working like a dog" got started but I`m looking at my dogs daily routine feeling pretty jealous myself.
My will has a list of friends not allowed to speak at my funeral.
is battling with eyelids
It`s so cold out I`ve turned 50 Shades Of Blue!
In terms of procrastination, I`ve had a very productive day.
Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces. For example: I am going to the liquor store and I`m scared that it`s closed.
Side effects of telling your wife to get a grip may include throat bruising or testicular swelling.
I’m not saying I’m psychic, but I’m positive I will have no interest in what you’re about to say.
Why eat a carrot when you can just as easily not eat a carrot?
Forgotten pocket money is the best!
If the government shutdown effected alcohol or internet porn they`d have this sh!t fixed by tomorrow morning.
I`m not ignoring your calls, I just love my ringtone.
I may be asking too much of this coffee.