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If you bend over and place your ear next to a girls vagina , you can clearly hear her say "WTF are you Doing!"
I`m still kinda pissed that they never did tell us how to get to sesame street
When you write misspelled backwards it`s misspelled.
I`d hate to be a dragon .....I`d get so pissed tryin to blow out my birthday candles.
Why doesn’t The Rock just tell us what he’s cooking? I can’t pair wines like this.
I`m sorry, your photo is so confusing. You`re gonna need to hashtag every detail of it for me so I can grasp what`s going on here.
I let a girl go through my phone recently so a colonoscopy really doesn’t scare me anymore.
If you listen real closely to my kids arguing tonight, you`ll hear the sound of me pouring a glass of wine.
I’m simply on reserve for the one who deserves
I never give money to bums because a.) They probably make more money than I do. b.) They work from home. c.) They get to drink on the job.
A coworker just wrote "Retard" on the windshield of my car. It`s taken me over an hour to lick it off!
Most of my thoughts have been coming from a very dark place lately. That`s what happens when you forget to pay your electric bill
I make a great second impression.
I was just thinking…Then I thought “why?”... So there will be no more thinking today.
My sleep number is 24. That`s a case of beer and I sleep like a baby.