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PLEASE - put this on your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by dragons. Dragons are nearly unstoppable and, in case you didn`t know, they can also breathe fire. 93% of people won`t copy and paste this, because they have already been eaten by dragons. 6% of people are sitting in the shower armed with fire extinguishers and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post.
As often as I lose lighters and sunglasses, it`s a good thing I never had kids. Or did I?
Do you know what sexual position produces the ugliest children? ... Go ask your mother.
When will vegeterians stop eating my food`s food??
I will stop drinking when Captain Morgan puts his foot down.
If we aren`t meant to have late night snacks, why is there a light in the fridge??
I found my first grey pubic hair today. Normally things like this don`t bother me, but it was in my Big Mac.
If a zombie apocalypse were to happen in Vegas... would it stay in Vegas?
The only clubs Iām into are sandwiches.
Life is like a teenager`s p@nis. some are short, some are long, but it is always hard.
I assume when I get put on hold after I call customer service, it`s because 2 guys are flipping a coin to see who pretends to be the manager.
If I was on drugs, this post would be amazing.
Beautiful people are more beautiful when surrounded by ugly people
I licked some of the frosting, but then I just ate the whole cake. No evidence. Problem solved.
The awkward moment when someone say "I gotta use the restroom.... Never mind."