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I`m not sure where you learned to whisper but I`m guessing inside a helicopter surrounded by f*cking chainsaws.
My wife gives me the speaking treatment.
If thought bubbles appeared above my head, I`d be screwed.
Sometimes getting unfriended on Facebook is magical....really....it`s like the trash took itself out.
Guests are coming over for Thanksgiving... Almost time to booby trap the medicine cabinet with marbles.
I`d like to give a big shout-out to all my hard of hearing friends!
My plan for today? Same as always: Drink coffee and be sexy.
If any of you have gotten any weird texts from me recently, its because my phone is working fine and I`m just trying to make you feel uncomfortable.
Not clicking like on this status makes your a$$ look fat.
My hobbies include but are not limited to getting drunk and commenting "LOL" on relationship statuses on Facebook.
Remember, time is more powerful than You!!! One tree makes a million matchsticks......But when the time comes........Only 1 match stick is needed to burn a million trees......
I`m not opposed to manscaping, but I don`t see the point of cutting the grass until somebody takes interest in the property.
I was trying to have a mature arguement but "look, you ignorant f*cktard" just popped out
Whenever I hear someone call my name, my first instinct is to walk faster
Line forms here for spankings