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So tell me, does it hurt to be so full of sh!t?
Hi, welcome to adulthood! You`ll be constantly tired except for right before you need to go to sleep.
What’s the difference between a politician and a flying pig ? The letter F ?
I am tired of men complaining about women complaining about men complaining about women
Getting over body issues is a like getting over a fear of heights. The trick is not to look down.
It`s not illegal to get in a taxi and scream until you`ve reached your destination.
I don’t even know what I don’t know.
The main thing I learned from watching my wife carve pumpkins is she’s really good at stabbing things. I should probably be nicer to her.
I`m not afraid of identity theft. Go ahead and enjoy being broke and having my dad call you a failure.
I hate when its dark and your brain is all "you know what we haven`t thought about in a while ... demons."
I`ve come to the point where I don`t even procrastinate anymore ... I just don`t do it.
We are best friends. Always remember that if you fall, I will pick you up… After I finish laughing.
Not to get technical, but according to chemistry, alcohol is a solution.
Safety Tip: lock your doors and windows before bed. Btw, I love what you`ve done with the place.
Keep your friends close and your unattractive enemies closer so you look better by comparison in pictures.