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McDonald`s should have a 3rd window, where you can trade in all the wrong sh!t they gave you at the second window.
I need a keyboard shortcut for "sorry it`s taken me so long to reply to your text..."
The best moments in life are the ones you don`t tell anyone about.
You Are The Reason My Middle Finger Was Created.
I`m not as smart as I used to be but then again you can`t stay a teenager all of your life.
You`re about 8 beers away from being my type.
No matter how much you push the envelope - it`ll still be stationery.
Say what you want about Captain Hook, but he ran that entire pirating operation singlehandedly.
Sometimes Google should just come back with a message that says “trust me, you don’t want to know.”
I wish I could smack the stupid out of people. And if you think this status is about you ... Smack yourself for me!
I`ve robbed banks before...and they`re never getting their pens back.
Due to the economic crisis and ever increasing price of food, the 5 second drop rule has now been increased to 10.
Shout out to ATM fees for making me buy my own money.
The inside of my fridge: evidence that I’m still not a real adult.
To avoid being eaten by zombies, go to Settings / Home Invasion Settings / Cannibalism / Brains, and then uncheck the "tasty" box.