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You can make your life more entertaining by simply reaching out, and getting to know a whore.
I need to find a way to be asleep but still get all my work done.
Today I saw a baby with a bib that said `This dumbass put my cape on backwards.`
So if the Jacksonville Jaguars are known as the “Jags” and the Tampa Bay Buccaneers are known as the “Bucs,” what does that make the Tennessee Titans?
To get laid is good. To get off is good. To get laid off is bad.
Republicans are red, Democrats are blue. The government is shut down cause neither one gives a damn about you.
The perfect time for a snack is while you’re waiting for another snack to finish cooking.
People who walk down the escalator. Stop it, we have enough over achievers!
For the record, giving someone the creeps for Christmas is technically not a gift.
Everything just seems much better when you`re in denial
What`s this g-mail? I just got used to e-mail. And why did they skip f-mail?
My method of going "offline" in FB chat is to just ignore you.
Hold on I`m about to count my money. Alright I`m done.
I could eat a bowl of alphabet soup and crap a better status than yours!
It`s like my pastor always says, "Who are you and why are you stealing wine?"