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I know a lot of women who should substitute their lipstick with glue sticks.
It took dozens and dozens of flushes and a plunger, but my guinea pig`s funeral is finally over.
This day needs more tomfoolery!
If a girl can kick your a$$ at video games, she’s a keeper.
Sometimes when I`m bored I crawl into a corner of my room and pretend I`m a person.
When people sit in front of me at the movies. I make a loud fart sound so they quickly move to get away from me.
Why does the alphabet need to be in order anyway
What do crickets hear when they have an awkward silence?
No one looks more depressed than a grown man walking away from the microwave with a Lean Cuisine meal in his hands.
If I could time travel, I`d make sure the guy who made up the word Walkie-Talkie got to name more things.
If watching the big-screen TV with your pants off and a bag of Doritos is wrong, then they shouldn`t have couches at this Best Buy.
If ANY of my posts have made even one person’s day better, then there’s something seriously wrong with that person
If my ceiling fan could hold my weight, I`d never be bored again.
Thinks that some of you make impulsive, poor thought out decisions. We should totally hang out more!!!
If my grandmother were alive today, I`m pretty sure she`d still have her blinker on.