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Vegetables are a must on my diet. I am eating Carrot cake, Zucchini bread and Pumpkin pie.
I don`t hate you. I just hope your next period happens while you`re in a shark tank!
India launched a rocket to Mars yesterday… That’s a heck of a place to put a call center.
"I guess you`re right." - No one on the internet ever
That awkward moment when you gently throw your phone onto your bed and it decides to Bounce of 3 walls, Knock over a lamp and kill a cat.
This is the earliest I have ever been late.
is deep in thought . . . if only i could remember what i was thinking about
Whoever figured out the `days of the month correspond with your knuckles` thing had too much time on their hands
Renewed my "Man Card" today, by going out in the cold, drizzly weather to cut firewood. In other news, police are investigating sightings of a chainsaw wielding maniac in the my area. I hope the catch that nut job!
This morning I got in touch with my inner self. And that`s also the last time I`ll buy cheap toilet paper...
Show me a bunch of people with type A personalities, and I`ll show you a control group.
Am I supposed to bring condoms to a speed dating event? How fast do these things actually go?
Do you think we like to sing in the shower because we all love a good soap opera?
Mornings are the best when they start in the afternoon.
Common sense is like deodorant....The people who need it most never use it.