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Wisdom is understanding that a tomato is a fruit, but you don`t add it in a fruit salad.
During Sex you burn as much calories as running 5 miles ... Who the f*ck runs 5 miles in 30 seconds.
Would a transformer buy life insurance or car insurance?
I can`t wait for a empty Christmas wrapping paper tube to bonk someone over the head with!
A Girl Scout made headlines when she sold cookies outside a Colorado pot shop. There’s no word on how she plans to spend her first million.
A wife is like a hand grenade. Remove the ring, and your house is gone.
DRINK BEER SAVE WATER..www.godrunk.com
If I could have dinner with anyone alive or dead I would just have two dinners.
Dont you hate it when you open a bag of chips and its half full?! Yeah, that´s how us guys feel about push-up bras!!
I can`t believe that it`s the year 2012, and I still have to bend down to pick stuff up.
wants to jump in a cab and yell "follow that car!"
When people say they work like a dog, I look at mine and think they must mean they just lay around all day and poop wherever they feel like.
I think people who use "go fly a kite" as an insult don`t really understand kites or insults.
After I drink coffee I show my empty mug to the IT guy and tell him I`ve successfully installed Java. He hates me.
Like a good neighbor,I don`t really care.