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No thanks, alcohol free mouthwash, my life is depressing enough.
I`d be amazing at life if I was only asked to sit and play on the computer all day.
If anyone has ever told you that you snore, just know that person has very carefully weighed the pros and cons of letting you live.
A man in front of me at Walmart is buying a pregnancy test. I bet this is the one time in his life he wishes she had sent him for tampons!
You`re either part of the solution, or you`re one of my coworkers.
I finally figured out how to get rid of that annoying sound in my car. I opened the door and pushed her out!!
I`ll be drinking tell I see Leprechauns tonight.
i make the other half of the Oreo watch.
I automatically classify anything over $5 as expensive.
The key to my heart is shaped like a bottle opener.
Immature is just a word boring people use to describe fun people.
The baby gets furious when I try to undress him. Must get that from his mother.
If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
To settle an argument, think about why you are wrong and why she has boobs.
The record companies have done a good job of fighting piracy by releasing music no one wants to steal.