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I don`t get along with Hipster kids. Not a fan of the smell of thrift stores.
I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you.
I think I really have an amazing butt. Every time I talk to someone and start walking off they say "what an ass.."
I have my own version of Whole Foods, where I eat the Whole Pizza, Whole Box of Donuts, Whole Bag of Chips...
If there is one-thing in this would i don`t like being thought is ... a lesson.
Ways to tell a woman is mad at you: 1. She is silent. 2. She is yelling. 3. She acts different. 4. She acts the same. 5. She kills you.
If you`ve ever wondered which of your friends are really amazing, you`re in luck today. :)
If people could read my mind, I’d get punched in the face a lot.
Free snow at my house. Shovel all you want!
I am taking a shot for every “like” I get on this status. Then again, I’m taking shots whether you bastards like it or not.
I`ve been told I`m doing exceedingly well in my exaggeration therapy class, I think it`s because I`ve been giving it 180 percent.
When I die, I am going to haunt the f*ck out of you people.
I hate being bipolar, it`s great .
At night I dump massive amounts of Legos on the floor in case anyone tries to rob my house bare footed.
Sometimes, when dealing with people, you can`t help but stop and think, "Yup, I`m about to get my first assault charge."