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Does anyone know where the off switch on a child is? I can’t seem to find it.
Things are finally looking up for me. This Victoria`s Secret catalog just told me this is going to be "your sexiest year ever."
If a man speaks at sea where no women can hear, is he still wrong?
A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
I don`t know who I feel more sorry for.. myself for never being able to find where I parked my car?.. or the poor bastards following me through the parking lot hoping to take my parking space...
It`s weird how in England the passenger drives the car
If life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
Why do people ask "What the hell were you thinking?" Obviously I was thinking I was going to get away with it and not get caught.
I want to know what horrific ideas were rejected before they decided "Vagisil" was the best possible brand name?
To a musician, a g-string means something completely different than it does to me. .
Don’t expect a “bless you” after the 4th sneeze…get your self together
I want to tell my coworker I have strong feelings for her, but I`m afraid things might get weird if she knows I hate her.
I didn’t sell my soul to the devil….we worked out a rent-to-own deal.
I got food poisoning today. I don`t know when I`ll use it though.
Apparently “finders keepers” does not include expensive cars in parking lots.