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Had a big mix up at the store today... Apparently, when the woman said strip down facing me,she was referring to my credit card.
Before I wash my socks, I just throw one in the trash.
If you`re going to regret this in the morning, we can sleep until the afternoon.
Just like our bodies, our minds need exercise. That`s why I think of jogging every morning.
I think for Halloween I am going to go as Karma. Some of you should be worried.
Sometimes I wish you could ask the pharmacist to "make it a double".
You tell me I`m crazy, the voices tell me I`m not. 4 against 1, so........
My girlfriend just accused me of being unfaithful. I told her that is ridiculous and that she is starting to sound like my wife.
Hey guys with your phone in a hip holster, is it because your purse is too full with tampons?
I told my girlfriend I`m Harry Potter`s Godfather... She laughed hard and said "you can`t be Sirius"
exercise........you mean extra fries
Got tasered at speed dating again.
Me: GUESS WHO BOUGHT A MEGAPHONE!? Neighbor: Get out of my house! Me: You`re not even guessing.
Life Lesson: Never ever, ever do anything you wouldn`t want to explain to a nurse in a busy ER.
A Shout Out to all the beautiful women who don`t need to dress half naked to get a man`s attention. Stay classy! The rest of you, come with me.