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I`m confused, oh wait, maybe I`m not.
So glad my face doesn’t have a progress bar that shows how much I’m understanding what other people are saying.
I hate when I`m wearing my apple bottoms jeans and I can`t find boots with the fur.
Boobs: Proof that men can pay attention to two things at once.
I guess “Trying to be” isn’t really the answer the doctor was looking for when he asked if I was sexually active.
I am used but in good condition.
The difference between a straight girl and a lesbian is about four or five drinks.
I don`t hate you, it`s just, if you were on fire. I would roast marshmallows.
I always clench up before I drive into a tunnel because I`m afraid Wile E. Coyote might have just drawn it on there.
Being fat = Lowers your chance of getting kidnapped.
After all these years I finally figured out that that last little piece of soap is more trouble than it`s worth.
The problem in general terms is that people suck.
You`re never too old to ride in a radio flyer wagon but apparently you can be too fat.
My p@nis was in the Guiness Book of Records. Untill the librarian kicked me out
I only say "bless you" twice. If you sneeze a third time I assume it didn`t take and you`re a demon who must be destroyed.