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Testing.. Testing.. This is a test. If this were an actual ploy for attention.. I would`ve said "bacon" or "boobies."
If I told you I was a pathological liar, would you believe me?
I`ve been married to my wife 10 years today. Having sex with just one person in 10 years is pure dedication. I don`t know how she does it.
Today I will kick a$$, and make dreams happen...but first, Coffee.
I wish I had a dollar for every dollar I don`t have.
When I said I wanted to take it slow, I meant your life.
I can`t remember if I have any repressed memories.
Sorry I said "Better you than me" when you showed me your baby.
A moment of silence to all the kids who can’t wait to become a teenager because they think it’s fun..
I saw a cool bumper sticker on a back of a SUV . . . “Do you follow Jesus this close?”
Keep honking. I´m reloading.
I believe in living every day like it`s my last day, and on my last day, I plan to take it easy.
Seeking one night stand. I might need two though, I do have a lot of books.
I don`t blame Congress. If I had $600 billion, I`d be irresponsible too.
A Whoopee cushion filled with gravy adds a hilarious new dimension to a rather tiresome practical joke.